2003-05-30 17:58 | jelinfel


I rushed to the school just to find the poor deskmate, maybe a deskmate for only seven days doing with her endless homework. Sometimes I would join her without any feelings, but this time, I tried to think over something unclear.
You always ignore me on Monday morning, my poor girl. Although the time for us to spend together won't be too much, I think we'll ignore what have been decided as well, won't you?
But for you, to all guys in this class, not until we're apart will all of you realize by chance that I didn't really exist here. What they ignored of me was not my figure, but my soul. So I can run away with them easily, but they cannot.
Miss Wu was standing in front of the platform another week, complaining about the dirtiness all around the heated classroom, and her face was full of dissatisfaction. She was still pretty just like an adolescent girl, my idol, I thought. But her smile had melted away.
She had promised, if she still loved us, she would give the card she received on Teacher's Day to the whole class and have our name signed there before we enter our new class. But this card had already been removed from her desk.
"You should know what it means." She whisked the threadlikes on her shoulders,"There're no more than two weeks left for ya, that's all."
Then I turned to the dim windows, seeing two birds coming down the metasequoias.
Those who were in senior 3 have gone home for their preparations. That is why the playground was so empty, noiseless and deathly.
Every forenoon and every afternoon, class books are carried around and pieces of small colorful paper are scattering here and there. I never did and will never do this work. I always fill in all the blanks and give them back to the owners sincerely but I wonder what they will gain or whether they can know each other further by means of a light, flimsy paper. Though they each has chosen one from my stick-photos, I make up my mind to put my back into silence to leave no impression on them. Because of our looking towards the different directions.
In the long queue of brisk steps, my shadow is moving inch by inch, it has no necessity to leap too exaggerated. Till the last time I walk out of this class, I will say without hesitation:"Goodbye everyone."
Miss Wu suggested us hold a final get-together and I made no echo. I thought, that will be the same to nothing.

The seat next to mine has been unoccupied for 3 days. I come to be used to accept this as a sort of destiny. I remember when being informed of that the seat would always be empty from then on, a sense of lose rising up from the feet to the top and dismembering me thoroughly.
When you're to go I'll be alone again at last. Please carry all yours to UK with your luggage, don't have any love left for me.
It's high time to prepare for the single trip, and to catch up with the wind gone far away from this land, I have no choice but to unload the depression.
I was once put to sleep, after considering about the following one-way trip, I have picked up my consciousness. I insist on everything's being OK.

5-30,2003 17:42 pm jN.EDDA in THE OULD ROSE OF KILLARNEY

Here's what I have to say
I was left to cry there
Waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone
You, you need to listen
I'm starting to trip
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone...